The point of this whole Year of Yes project is to say yes to things that scare me, that challenge me. So in order to YES a problem, I have to find whatever it is inside the problem that challenges me or scares me or makes me just freak out – then I have to say yes to that thing.
Of all the books I have read in my year of exploration I have connected with Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand in the Sun and Be Your Own Person by Shonda Rhimes the most.
Oh my God! We could be twins. Shonda and I are the same age. Our birthdays are one day apart. We had the same love (obsession) with reading as we grew up. We’re from big families (five siblings). We both love writing. We both have somewhat unhealthy relationships with food. And almost everything she said in her book I could relate to.
Yes! Yes! YES! That is soooo me!
Can you see the family resemblance?
It took Shonda a few home truths from her sister and the realization that if she’d been asked (instead of being told) she would have said no to an event where she sat next to the Obama’s. (Because it’s “scary”.)
Then she realized that to her shame, despite her envious job writing Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal and Private Practice, despite her three adorable children, despite her loving family and friends and to anyone looking from the outside her AWESOME, AMAZING life, she was, in fact, miserable.
Shonda commits to a year of saying yes.
Of course, Shonda being who she is, her first two yeses are:
- Giving the Commencement Speech at her university,
- Being interviewed by Jimmy Kimmel.
This is it. It’s happening. And now that it is here, saying yes stops being just a vague idea. Now the reality of what I am embarking upon send my brain thundering around inside my skull.
Yes to everything scary.
Yes to everything that takes me out of my comfort zone.
Yes to everything that feels like it might be crazy.
Yes to everything that feels out of character.
Yes to everything that feels goofy.
Yes to everything.
What follows is a genuinely life changing year (and more) for Shonda.
I’m going to leave it to you to read the book and take from it what you will. I do, however, want to share a few quotes that had a huge impact on me.
I think that a lot of people dream. And while they are busy dreaming, the really happy people, the really successful people, the really interesting, powerful, engaged people? Are busy doing.
Don’t dream it. Do it. This is what my sabbatical year is about. Not just to Dream Beautiful but to Fly High.
Dreams are lovely. But they are just dreams. Fleeting, ephemeral. Pretty. But dreams do not come true just because you dream them. It’s hard work that makes things happen. It’s hard work that creates change.
Being a mother isn’t a job.
It’s who someone is.
It’s who I am.
You can quit a job. I can’t quit being a mother. I’m a mother forever. Mothers are never off the clock, mothers are never on vacation. Being a mother redefines us, reinvents us, destroys and rebuilds us. Being a mother brings us face-to-face with ourselves as children, with our mothers as human beings, with our darkest fears of who we really are. Being a mother requires us to get it together or risk messing up another person forever.
Absolutely. Yes! Yes! YES!
But only if you decide that YOU are going to do the work to make the programs work. Meaning, that nothing works if you don’t actually decide that you are really and truly ready to do it.
(Shonda is referring to losing weight but it can apply to anything really.)
This year I have set myself some big challenges …. learning Chinese, losing weight, running a half marathon, and more. All of these require commitment to make them work. Monthly, weekly, daily, hourly commitment.
Six months in and I am doing well on some of the challenges I have set myself. Some not so well. And some have gone by the wayside (like writing in my journal every day). But that’s OK. These are commitments to myself. To make me a better person for me. And while I may not achieve everything I set out to do, I have (and I will) become me.
The Year of Yes, I realize, has become a snowball rolling down a hill. Each yes rolls into the next and the snowball is growing and growing. Every yes changes something in me. Every yes is a bit transformative. Every yes sparks some new phase in evolution.
Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand in the Sun and Be Your Own Person, Shonda Rhimes, London, Simon & Schuster UK, 2015, Ebook ISBN 978-1-4711-5733-2