I searched for ways to end the sorrow, put it in a box, and throw it away. For the first weeks and months, I failed. The anguish won every time. Even when I looked calm and collected, the pain was always present. I was physically sitting in a meeting or reading to my kids, but my heart was on that gym floor.

In Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy Sheryl Sandberg opens up about the grief she felt following the sudden death of her husband, her concerns about how their children will grow up without a father and her relationships with family, friends and colleagues.

However, this book is more than Sheryl’s story of the aftermath of her husband’s death. It is combined with research on finding strength in the face of adversity, building resilience and overcoming hardship.

Co-authored by Adam Grant, a psychologist at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, Option B offers advice on how you can build resilience in yourself and help others experiencing similar crises.

While I have never faced the devastating shock that Sheryl Sandberg experienced, I believe it is important to build resilience in order to tackle everyday challenges.

You don’t have to experience tragedy to build your resilience for whatever lies ahead.

I was also interested to read how this experience impacted Sheryl’s beliefs given her views expressed in her previous book, Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead.

I found much of the advice she and Adam gave to be helpful and thought provoking.

… psychologist Martin Seligman found three P’s that can stunt recovery: (1) personalisation – the belief that we are at fault; (2) pervasiveness – the belief that an event will affect all areas of our life; and (3) permanence – the belief that the aftershocks of the event will last forever.

It also made me honestly reflect on how I have supported (or not supported) friends and family going through hardships. And acknowledge that I really must do better.

For friends who turn away in times of difficulty, putting distance between themselves and emotional pain feels like self-preservation. … Others get overwhelmed by a sense of helplessness … Simply showing up for a friend can make a huge difference.

What I liked about the book was that it not only focused on steps in which an individual can build resilience but also how to raise resilient kids, build strength in communities to overcome obstacles and prevent adversity and create a workplace culture of embracing and learning from failure.

What I found frustrating was that the book didn’t seem to adequately achieve being either a memoir or a self-help book. It just seemed to be, well, kind of half way. And it left me somewhat disappointed. Luckily through reading the previous chapters I had built some resilience!

Resilience in love means finding strength from within that you can share with others. Finding a way to make love last through the highs and lows. Finding your own way to love when life does not work out as planned. Finding the hope to love and laugh again when love is cruelly taken from you. And finding a way to hang on to love even when the person you love is gone.

Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy, Sheryl Sandberg, Adam Grant, London, WH Allen, 2017, Epub ISBN 9780753548301