Book Review

Book Review: Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes

The point of this whole Year of Yes project is to say yes to things that scare me, that challenge me. So in order to YES a problem, I have to find whatever it is inside the problem that challenges me or scares me or makes me just freak out – then I have to say yes to that thing.

Of all the books I have read in my year of exploration I have connected with Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand in the Sun and Be Your Own Person by Shonda Rhimes the most.

Oh my God! We could be twins. Shonda and I are the same age. Our birthdays are one day apart. We had the same love (obsession) with reading as we grew up. We’re from big families (five siblings). We both love writing. We both have somewhat unhealthy relationships with food. And almost everything she said in her book I could relate to.

Yes! Yes! YES! That is soooo me!

Can you see the family resemblance?

Shonda Rhimes

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Soul Sisters

It took Shonda a few home truths from her sister and the realization that if she’d been asked (instead of being told) she would have said no to an event where she sat next to the Obama’s. (Because it’s “scary”.)

Then she realized that to her shame, despite her envious job writing Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal and Private Practice, despite her three adorable children, despite her loving family and friends and to anyone looking from the outside her AWESOME, AMAZING life, she was, in fact, miserable.

Shonda commits to a year of saying yes.

Of course, Shonda being who she is, her first two yeses are:

  1. Giving the Commencement Speech at her university,
  2. Being interviewed by Jimmy Kimmel.

Scary!!!

This is it. It’s happening. And now that it is here, saying yes stops being just a vague idea. Now the reality of what I am embarking upon send my brain thundering around inside my skull.

Yes to everything scary.

Yes to everything that takes me out of my comfort zone.

Yes to everything that feels like it might be crazy.

Yes to everything that feels out of character.

Yes to everything that feels goofy.

Yes to everything.

Everything.

Say yes.

Yes.

What follows is a genuinely life changing year (and more) for Shonda.

I’m going to leave it to you to read the book and take from it what you will. I do, however, want to share a few quotes that had a huge impact on me.

I think that a lot of people dream. And while they are busy dreaming, the really happy people, the really successful people, the really interesting, powerful, engaged people? Are busy doing.

Don’t dream it. Do it. This is what my sabbatical year is about. Not just to Dream Beautiful but to Fly High.

Dreams are lovely. But they are just dreams. Fleeting, ephemeral. Pretty. But dreams do not come true just because you dream them. It’s hard work that makes things happen. It’s hard work that creates change.

Being a mother isn’t a job.

It’s who someone is.

It’s who I am.

You can quit a job. I can’t quit being a mother. I’m a mother forever. Mothers are never off the clock, mothers are never on vacation. Being a mother redefines us, reinvents us, destroys and rebuilds us. Being a mother brings us face-to-face with ourselves as children, with our mothers as human beings, with our darkest fears of who we really are. Being a mother requires us to get it together or risk messing up another person forever.

Absolutely. Yes! Yes! YES!

But only if you decide that YOU are going to do the work to make the programs work. Meaning, that nothing works if you don’t actually decide that you are really and truly ready to do it.

(Shonda is referring to losing weight but it can apply to anything really.)

This year I have set myself some big challenges …. learning Chinese, losing weight, running a half marathon, and more. All of these require commitment to make them work. Monthly, weekly, daily, hourly commitment.

Six months in and I am doing well on some of the challenges I have set myself. Some not so well. And some have gone by the wayside (like writing in my journal every day). But that’s OK. These are commitments to myself. To make me a better person for me. And while I may not achieve everything I set out to do, I have (and I will) become me.

The Year of Yes, I realize, has become a snowball rolling down a hill. Each yes rolls into the next and the snowball is growing and growing. Every yes changes something in me. Every yes is a bit transformative. Every yes sparks some new phase in evolution.

Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand in the Sun and Be Your Own Person, Shonda Rhimes, London, Simon & Schuster UK, 2015, Ebook ISBN 978-1-4711-5733-2

 

 

 

Book Review

Book Review: Full Circle: A memoir of leaning in too far and the journey back by Erin Callan Montella

“Knowing your story means living a considered life. Socrates had it right. An unexamined life is not really worth living. Maybe that’s a bit extreme, but without self-reflection, we never learn from our mistakes, condemned to repeat the same pattern over and over.”

This book has been on my reading list for some time. I was drawn to it again when I was searching for books related to my own journey: women seeking to understand their world, taking a break from the work treadmill to reflect on their purpose in life.

Erin Callan Montella’s decision to take time off from work was not fully her own. She was the chief financial officer at Lehman Brothers in 2008 just before it spectacularly collapsed and played a part in kicking off the Global Financial Crisis.

This memoir recounts her journey from a young girl to one of the highest ranking people on Wall Street and how her career became her life.

Erin is an incredibly intelligent, brilliant and driven woman. Her ambition led her to take well thought out risks, to reach a position that no (few?) other women had achieved. While the cracks were already appearing before her resignation (sacking?) from Lehman Brothers it was this event and its aftermath that forced Erin to reflect on her life.

“…. a successful professional athlete who referred to the sport he played as his platform, not his purpose. A jumping off point to accomplish bigger and better things. The things that mattered more in life. The simple idea that a career could be a platform, not a purpose, was like a slap across the face. The good kind. A wake-up call. I had done the opposite, making a successful career my purpose, not a platform for something more meaningful.”

While reading Full Circle I wondered what would have happened if this situation had not been forced upon Erin. Would she have had the self awareness to recognise and acknowledge the pathway she was on was not the meaningful purpose she was seeking?

Needless to say she found her career in tatters, her emotional well-being reaching the darkest imaginable. She needed time to reflect and readjust to a new life and a new way of doing things.

Erin only briefly writes about her new life as a wife and mother, which makes me wonder where this journey has taken her? What is she doing now (she mentions at the start of the book that she is retired) and more importantly what lessons has she taken into her new life? Did she find the balance that was so lacking in her old life? Or has she simply pursued the exact opposite pathway?

While I am a long way from a high ranking career woman and never want to be, I still gained much from Erin’s memoir. To take time for self reflection. To consider what is meaningful to me. Many of her words inspire me as I reflect on my life, it’s purpose and what I am going to do next.

“Because figuring out what really matters to you and how it dictates the direction of your time, your energy, your passion is always at the heart of the matter.”

Full Circle: A Memoir of Leaning in Too Far and the Journey Back, Eing Callan Montella, Sanibel, Florida, 2016, Kindle Edition, ISBN 978-0-9973821-2-9 (e-book)

 

Book Review

Book Review: Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

In taking my own sabbatical, I have become interested in other women’s experiences of taking a break from work.

I have to admit I wasn’t really interested in reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat Pray Love when it was first published and was even less so when the Hollywood movie was released. I probably dismissed it as the self-indulgent musings of a person of privileged means, if I even thought of it at all.

However, as I was reading Reboot Your Life it was one of the suggested readings. So in the interests of research I thought I would take a look.

Eat Pray Love is the memoir of a woman who, having gone through a bitter divorce and an ill-fated love affair, decides to go in search of pleasure (in Italy), devotion (in India) and balance (in Indonesia).

While I am not so fortunate as to be able to spend all my sabbatical traveling the world, the themes of pleasure, devotion and balance really resonated with me and my journey.

For pleasure Elizabeth went to Italy. After all, what greater pleasure is there than food?

Her time in Italy was what the authors of Reboot Your Life call the reconnecting phase; a time to revitalize connections to people, places, activities and yourself. It would be easy to focus on Elizabeth’s positive, pleasurable experiences; learning to speak Italian, eating, making friends. But it wasn’t always easy as she left behind the issues and worries of her previous life. It was in this section that I found my favourite quote in the book;

“Never forget that once upon a time, in an unguarded moment, you recognised yourself as a friend.”

For Elizabeth, pleasure was about finding herself again, perhaps even finding an element of happiness.

For me finding myself is about just being me, being true to myself, to be real. In my work life I have tended to adapt to the image of the company I was representing. In marketing an organisation I have adopted the company brand. Sometimes that has been easy and the organisation’s brand is some part of who I already am. Sometimes I have had to create a new image of myself. Now that I am not working, I don’t have to pretend to be something I am not, even a little bit. I am me. And it feels good, even pleasurable.

In seeking devotion, Elizabeth travelles to India and spends time in an ashram. Nearing the end of her stay she finds a connection with God. “I am suddenly transported through the portal of the universe and taken to the centre of God’s palm.” Another time she recalls feeling a ‘soft blue electrical energy’ and discusses how this energy has been described by devotees of many different religions.

This got me thinking. Christians, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists….. aren’t we all really seeking the same thing? Although I was bought up in a Christian culture and am now living in one based in Confucianism I have tended to avoid religion. The negative aspects of patriarchy, war, greed and sexual abuse have kept me away. But what if there is something deeper?  I am now exploring my spirituality and learning more about the different world religions. (Perhaps a blog post for another time?)

Finally, Elizabeth travels to Bali seeking balance. She travels there on an invitation from a Balinese medicine man with almost no research or preparation. She doesn’t have a place to live, she doesn’t know anyone and when she arrives she finds out that the Indonesian visa rules only allow for a one month tourist visa when she had be planning to stay three to four months. (Something that totally freaks my compulsive planner and organizer self out!) However, within weeks the balance naturally falls into place.

“I can feel my own peace, and I love the swing of my days between easeful devotional practices and pleasures of beautiful landscape, dear friends and good food.”

For me, in seeking balance in my life I am trying to find that harmony between having a planned daily routine and taking each day and hour as it comes. To be open to opportunities as they arise and say “Yes!” without over thinking it.

In summary, despite my initial hesitation I enjoyed the book. I stand by my initial thoughts that her experience is somewhat self-indulgent and only possible for those with a privileged life. And the ending seemed to wrap up a bit too neatly. (Hello, Hollywood ending!) However, my take away was that her quest to find peace and happiness took her by surprise. Perhaps I can’t plan for this. I can try seeking it but there is no guarantee I will find it. The important thing is to be open to the possibility.

Eat Pray Love, Elizabeth Gilbert, London, Bloomsbury Publishing Plc, 2006, eISBN 978 1 4088 0866 5

 

Book Review

Book Review: Reboot Your Life: Energize Your Career and Life by Taking a Break, Catherine Allen, et al

Carry me away. Let the tide take me where it will. Let’s see how long it takes to figure out my next career step.

 

I thought for my first blog post I’d review the book that really clarified my thinking on what I was trying to achieve in taking a year off work.

In taking a 12 month break from paid work I knew I didn’t want to spend it sitting around watching TV, having long boozy lunches and getting pedicures and massages. (Although it would be OK to do that some of the time.)

I wanted this time to be meaningful, to have purpose, to be structured.

Like most people these days I went straight to Google for the answers.

Reboot Your Life: Energize Your Career and Life by Taking a Break by Catherine Allen, Nancy Bearg, Rita Foley, and Jaye Smith helped find these answers.

Reboot Your Life is an easy to follow guide to how and why taking a break from work can help people to re-examine their priorities and re-energise their lives. Written by four women who have taken sabbaticals and drawing on the experiences hundreds of others Reboot Your Life is a book you can read from cover to cover or just dip into the chapters that you need.

Reboot Your Life talks about the reasons for and benefits of taking a career break, how you can fund your time away, the heart of a sabbatical – reconnecting with yourself and your world and exploring opportunities, re-entering the workplace and living a lifelong sabbatical.

It is somewhat targeted at mid-career Americans and some of the advice is not really relevant to those of us from the rest of the world or those starting or part-way in their careers. However, in saying that there enough guidance for people to take something away.

The decision to take a sabbatical – to answer that call to oneself – is a huge step. There’s no question about it. The worries that can cloud people’s minds and tighten their guts as they contemplate taking a break are real and practically universal. At the same time, sabbaticals are as old as time and are a natural rhythm of life. Knowing that and learning a little more about sabbaticals – like their cultural context and great outcomes – may make it easier to decide to take one.

 

Reboot Your Life: Energize Your Career and Life by Taking a Break, Catherine Allen, Nancy Bearg, Rita Foley, Jaye Smith, New York, Beaufort Books, 2011, First edition, ISBN 978-0-8253-0564-1